Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
