I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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