he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
