I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
