New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Randomize
