OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
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