I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
