Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
