Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
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Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
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When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I FOUND THE LEGS
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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