im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
