i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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