next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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