The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
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