I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Four minutes until I can fart!
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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