If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize