I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I'm drive I can fine osifer
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
We had to coat check the pizza.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
