just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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