everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
