I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
