Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
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