Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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