I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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