hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Randomize
