Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
