I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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