how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
