remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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