if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
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