My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
