i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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