my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
