I'm so fucking centered right now
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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