He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
