so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize