There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
