She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Your cock deserves a montage
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
