The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
