I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
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