If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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