never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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