I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
