im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
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