did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Someone shit on the floor
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Randomize
