dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Randomize
