I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
splinters make it hard to masturbate
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
