you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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