I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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