Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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