Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
pop tarts are not kleenex
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I forget how to act sober
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
