I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Acid is not a monday night drug
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
