Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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