I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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