trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I didn't notice because vodka
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Sex in the backyard? Check.
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