In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
My brain says no but my pants say off.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Randomize
