the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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