Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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