She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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