living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
