we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
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