Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
