thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize